Congrats to Leicester City on winning the Premier League. That is, quite simply, a stunning achievement. Despite loving an underdog story more than most, unfortunately, I wasn’t able to witness much of your outrageous season on account of not really giving a shit about football. And this was down to my (soon to be former) team’s season being absolutely diabolical. Their utter capitulation within 17 seconds of the start of the second half of the Europa League final was perhaps quite a fitting end to another horrible year for the club. I would watch them play and they’d be so dire that I’d be turned off watching any other football for that weekend or even just the goals and highlights. By the time the overall play and atmosphere started to improve under Klopp, it was already too late. Gone were the soccer-filled Saturdays and Sundays (that was mainly for alliteration but it really doesn’t bother me anymore what you call the dumb sport). I skipped all the other big matches and derbies that I used to watch, just as a football fan in general. Watching Man United play Man City, hoping they could both somehow lose, no longer appealed to me. Couldn’t really care less about El Clasico. I think I saw a grand total of one half of Champions League Football (might not even watch that final). Oh, Euro 2016 starts next month? Who cares? Going to see Barcelona play live at the Camp Nou was merely a case of “might as well…since I’m here”.
And this recent indifference to football is all thanks to you, Liverpool. Concerning this season and the one before, you should have a long hard look at yourself and should, frankly, be ashamed that Leicester have reached this milestone before you (no offence Leicester). You realise that next season you’re going to have to compete with rejuvenated Manchester clubs with Pep and whoever United replace Van Gaal with and Spurs will be thinking they can go one step further (or I guess two steps, what the hell were those last few games Spurs?!) and Arsenal will always be there and now Leicester!? Not to mention that Chelsea are not going to allow their comparable shit show to happen again. Oh wait, they have no European football to worry about next season but will still be able to attract the best players, they’re going to walk the league. Klopp managed to overhaul one team that had significantly greater resources in Germany, don’t think he can manage to overtake four. Plus, Coutinho’s probably on his way out and Daniel Sturridge too. Imagine how pissed he must’ve been after his sublime strike in the EL final gave you the lead out of nothing and then your defence, with that garbage left back, couldn’t hold on for the first 30 seconds of the second half!
But I’m not just ranting here. I have solutions. What I propose is either you change your name to Liverpool City Football Club because I think that extra C in Leicester’s initials could’ve been a difference maker. Otherwise, you might want to consider being dissolved as a footballing institution altogether and instead of increasing capacity, perhaps just turn Anfield into a museum (would be rather appropriate) because as I see it you’re always going to be behind four or five teams and obviously you used up all the luck the Footballing deities were willing to grant to one team in their existence on that Champions League win in 2005 and the FA Cup win in 2006 (why else would Gerrard have slipped? A higher power had to have intervened there). And whenever you start getting those illusions that you’re still a big club just remember you finished 8th place in a league that Leicester City won (again, no offence Leicester).
You know what, to be perfectly honest, all the offence Leicester! I’m actually not remotely happy for you. I’m undecided whether it would’ve been better or worse if Spurs had won it but I suspect I’ll get the answer to that when they become the next team to win the stupid trophy before Liverpool.